Some days there are no mistakes. There are some strange coincidences, though.
People, usually with big, bright smiles on their faces, say, “Coincidences are God’s way of remaining anonymous.”
With that said, today while sitting in front of my computer, I clicked my mouse over my Chrome web browser toolbar by accident. Seemingly out of nowhere came a screen with mass times for a local church affiliated with a Jesuit college.
I said to myself, “I got you God. I can see what you did there. Very entertaining! Well played, sir.”
I then thought, “Hmm, maybe I can make the evening mass time today.”
Turns out, my body had other plans for me. I’m having one of my terrible episodes of debilitating, full-on, level 10 (Actually, “These go to 11.”), stem-to-stern body pain.
It feels like the aches you get with the flu coupled with a buzzing feeling just beneath the skin. And yes, ALL over my body. It hurts to breathe.
Tonight was not the night. I’ll go to mass another night.
I went home after work, ate dinner, and opened up the copy of the alumni magazine from the Jesuit college I graduated from 13 years ago. I read about two men who overcame great odds, rising above and beyond the ways their bodies betrayed them, to live their lives and pursue their dreams.
“Yes, God I see. I get it. You did it again. I got the message. I’m picking up what you are putting down.”
There are people in this world with major obstacles and they have overcome them. You can too, Kara, but only if you lean on something larger than yourself, like God. It has worked for me before…back when I believed and attended mass regularly. Guess where this was happening? Yes, you guessed it, during my college days, around Jesuits.
Today I just wanted to give up. My life is throwing me challenges left and right, and it FEELS as if I live a pain-filled existence. I can’t do the physical pain, the stress, the sadness and the feeling less than everyone around me. My spirituality tank is running on fumes.
Oh, and news flash, everyone else is managing some kind of hardship right now, too. I have had many conversations and counseled teens with craniofacial conditions stating this unavoidable truth. You may not see their scars, like the world can plainly see yours, but everyone has some hardship with which they are grappling.
So long story short, Kara, Shut up. And in the words of Denis Leary, who you quote far too often, “Get a Helmet.”
Take care of yourself, Kara. Love yourself. Listen to the guidance of God, and stop trying to shun and shirk Him by ducking into the dirty, dark alleys of your soul. If you want to be happy, content, and move everything in your life forward, Kara, you have to believe again. Note His presence and take action.
He is looking out for you with His not-so-coincidental mouse clicks. And now it is time that you look after Him, through prayer, possibly attending mass once in a while, and, most importantly, by stopping your daily denial of His existence, like you are Judas or something.
You’re not. You’re Kara — a believer, a Roman Catholic, a Jesuit-educated woman of honor, dignity, and integrity.
So, “Get a Helmet,” and act like it.