Mental Health · Self

A Chapel Contemplation

I sat at home a few weeks ago, watching the beautiful Lessons and Carols sung by the College of the Holy Cross choir and presented by staff of the chaplain’s office. Oh the beauty. It makes me remember November 12th when I sat in St. Joseph’s Chapel while it was completely empty, aside from a few tresspassing families touring the campus. I was lucky because the organist practiced behind me, so I got a full sensory experience. I sat in wonder. I sat staring at the altar, looking at the spot where I once sat as server. I wondered who that girl was, where that girl had gone. I thought long and hard. Well, not too hard, because the truth was right there in front of me: I have not gone anywhere. I’m here.

I am far less innocent than I once was when I served, preparing the altar, for Father Ford, Volodyks and others. The experiences and thoughts that I have now are not those of the 20 year old on that altar. My world has opened up, great, good and bad. Each of the elements that make up those broad categories have been experiences from which to learn. I have learned. I have changed. Now, I want to change even more. Evolution is a constant theme in this blog. If we are not evolving, we are not living to our fullest potential.

With each experience, I am exposed to new and different situations. I grow stronger. I learn from my mistakes and keep on going. I learn from my victories and keep on going. Dynamics change and I fight back. My skin grows thicker. I realize more is possible, nay anything is possible.

The biggest and most critical things that I learned by sitting in that chapel in November and thinking back to my time at Holy Cross compared to my life today, is that I 1) need to enjoy my victories more and 2) put myself first.

These are my tasks for the new year. Let’s see if I can make them happen.

To 2012, the year of selfishness. Ha! (it’s more like 2012, the year of self care.)

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