So without further ado…

I do hope things are well with you…if they are not, it’s okay, because I’m struggling and pushing forward too. In fact, I would have got back to you sooner, but I had to work out because of my body dysmorphia (translation: I think I am fat, I’m not), and then had to rinse out my sinuses because I have a sharp decrease in hearing in the right ear. There is also the depression and anxiety, and other parts of my body that continue to fail. Sometimes I feel like a medical money pit. There are days that I am totally spun out, up in my own head….playing that “woe is me” tape over and over. The best I can do in those days is just find small things for which I am grateful or that excite me. A good cup of tea, blasting a great tune in my RAV4 and speeding a smidge over the speed limit, baseball, and sports. It all helps. Writing helps, too. TV is a great distraction.

Mine is a weird life, but there are just as many joys as there are sorrows and pain. As primates and humans, we are focused on the negative thoughts and feelings to keep us alive. It is hard wired into us from way back when we had to fight lions, tigers, and bears. I have a hard time with this negative thinking. I love the negative. I find it so shiny and wonderful to examine, to turn over and over and over again. But it is not restorative, not great for the soul.

I remember, though, no one’s life is easy. Even if it appears like it is, it is not. Everyone is projecting an illusion of some sort. I just do “me” to the best of my ability in each moment. I try not to think too much about the past or the future…but most of the time fail. Still, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going. Keep trying to do “me.”

My emotional and mental battles are always taking place, but I always make sure I have something to look forward to. I schedule my days off because unscheduled, down time is not a thing with which I do well. I don’t have great, close friendships and relationships. I am kinda at peace with it. But I am also getting better with being vulnerable and building relationships. Therapy helps…it is the gift we give ourselves so we can live better lives. Find someone to talk to, it doesn’t have to be a professional. It can be a anyone you trust that will listen and not just wait for their turn to talk.

Anyway, I hope I have not overwhelmed you with all my words. I covered a lot of ground. There is a lot more, but I thought I would keep it pretty general. I find writing helps. I have always been a big journal keeper. Those are private and they go back to childhood. It is part of a dedicated practice. I highly encourage it, too. Just 10 minutes a day could change everything.

Thanks for reading.