Mom, you are probably not going to love this one.  The only way I know how to process my thoughts and emotions is through writing them down.  It is the only way I know how to place my burden down and triumphantly walk away.

I’m Tired…

I’m tired of fighting
I’m tired of putting on a brave face.
I’m tired of the pain.
I’m tired of trying to convince myself and everyone else that “I’m fine” and “Everything’s great. ”
I’m tired.

I’m tired of this job, the commute and the ungrateful people I work with.
I’m tired of being strong because strongs all I got.
I’m tired of prayers unanswered.
I’m tired of other people’s problems of their own creation. I don’t have control over my body and what it does. I can’t possibly sympathize with your overly fraught engagements with the external world.
I’m pushing through pain and managing that stuff too.
I’m tired of your bullshit excuses.
I’m tired.

I’m tired of doctors without answers
I’m tired of drugs getting thrown at me
I’m tired of “I’m sorry”
I’m tired of I don’t know.
I’m tired of theirs nothing wrong.
I’m tired of you need surgery and surprise we found a tumor.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of the series of multi-system dysfunctions that make up this vessel of a body.
I’m tired of the tests.
I’m tired of the stress and sadness.
I’m tired of no solutions.
No denouement.

I’m tired.