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I’m Tired

Mom, you are probably not going to love this one.  The only way I know how to process my thoughts and emotions is through writing them down.  It is the only way I know how to place my burden down and triumphantly walk away.

I’m Tired…

I’m tired of fighting
I’m tired of putting on a brave face.
I’m tired of the pain.
I’m tired of trying to convince myself and everyone else that “I’m fine” and “Everything’s great. ”
I’m tired.

I’m tired of this job, the commute and the ungrateful people I work with.
I’m tired of being strong because strongs all I got.
I’m tired of prayers unanswered.
I’m tired of other people’s problems of their own creation. I don’t have control over my body and what it does. I can’t possibly sympathize with your overly fraught engagements with the external world.
I’m pushing through pain and managing that stuff too.
I’m tired of your bullshit excuses.
I’m tired.

I’m tired of doctors without answers
I’m tired of drugs getting thrown at me
I’m tired of “I’m sorry”
I’m tired of I don’t know.
I’m tired of theirs nothing wrong.
I’m tired of you need surgery and surprise we found a tumor.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of the series of multi-system dysfunctions that make up this vessel of a body.
I’m tired of the tests.
I’m tired of the stress and sadness.
I’m tired of no solutions.
No denouement.

I’m tired.

2 thoughts on “I’m Tired

  1. Hey Kara, My name is Zach, I’m 32 and from Terrell, Tx., and was also born with Cleft Lip. I’m trying to connect with others with Cleft. I have a few questions. Never had a friend before with cleft and would just be nice to talk to see what I have i common. I understand this is a blog website, but hopefully you (or any others that may read this with cleft) will shoot me an E-Mail at Znelson001@Hotmail.com. I Heard about you from Erica in The Craniofacial group in Dallas.

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