I got some reinforcement, just now, from the most important book I own. Marsha Linehan states, and backs me up, regarding wants-to-shoulds and balance:
‘Look at what you do because you enjoy doing and “want” to do it; and how much you do because it has to be done and you “should” do it. Try to keep the number of each in balance, even if you have to:
-Get your opinions taken seriously
-Get others to do things
-Say no to unwanted requests’
(Marsha Linehan, Skills Training Manual for Treating BPD, Guilford Press 1993)
This is exactly what I need to hear. I especially love the “get others to do things” and more importantly “get your opinions taken seriously.” because I don’t do those things AT ALL. Which later leads to frustration and periods of extreme emotion that gets me in trouble. Plus, just to see it in black and white, that making myself a priority, makes it OK and fills me with relief.
Okay, I’m off to bed. I’m tired now. I apologize for the poor writing. I had to get this out, to help others and myself.