I got some reinforcement, just now, from the most important book I own. Marsha Linehan states, and backs me up, regarding wants-to-shoulds and balance:
‘Look at what you do because you enjoy doing and “want” to do it; and how much you do because it has to be done and you “should” do it. Try to keep the number of each in balance, even if you have to:
-Get your opinions taken seriously
-Get others to do things
-Say no to unwanted requests’
(Marsha Linehan, Skills Training Manual for Treating BPD, Guilford Press 1993)
This is exactly what I need to hear. I especially love the “get others to do things” and more importantly “get your opinions taken seriously.” because I don’t do those things AT ALL. Which later leads to frustration and periods of extreme emotion that gets me in trouble. Plus, just to see it in black and white, that making myself a priority, makes it OK and fills me with relief.
Okay, I’m off to bed. I’m tired now. I apologize for the poor writing. I had to get this out, to help others and myself.
2 thoughts on “Being… A Follow-Up with Reinforcements”
That’s great advice…I wish we could all live more like that in terms of should v. must v. want to do something.
Loved your last two entries; they were very life-affirming. Good luck implementing your ideas and I wish I could do the same in my life because you’re spot on with your analysis. We get too caught up…enjoy Florida!
Thank you, J. I got home last night and i did enjoy the vacation. Thank you for your kind words. It will be hard to do, but I was happy to get back to my therapy workbooks last night to check a few things. I just wish the damn book wasn’t so big so I can take the information with me. I guess I’ll be working on flash cards. Art project!