It’s not often that an 18 year old provides wisdom. It’s not often that we receive wisdom, period. It’s not often because we need to be open to it. So much of today’s world is closed. Hidden. Behind computers we sit and let technology dictate our lives and livelihoods. I have found that all of the technology and other things in my life have taken me away from a spiritual life. Spiritual community. Face to face interactions. Interactions that were once considered normal are now considered an act of courage because we are not behind a computer screen. Don’t get me wrong, I love the technological advances and what it makes possible, like this blog. I am able to work on my writing. That said, I don’t like the distance it puts between people.
I was told, out of the mouths of babes, that a faith based community was what was missing from my life. Well, actually she “told” me this by saying she wanted to come to Holy Cross because she felt the community at HC replicated the community she was currently in at her high school. She did not tell me to go to God. God came to me through her words. I heard her message because I was open to it. She felt comfortable in a “spirited community” as she put it. I did too and that was why I sought it out when at Holy Cross. It is why I am sitting in St. Joseph’s chapel right now. Seeking. Opening. Revealing. Not hiding. Triumphantly singing, [in my head] “Here I am lord. It is I lord.” …”I will go lord, where you lead me. I will hold your people in my heart.”
I gave it up to him so many times, over 8 years ago in this very holy room. Asking for a pleasant week and for me to get through it. It worked then. It can work now. It is a bit more of the old Kara coming back.
I love that hymn. It totally spoke volumes to me today. I do hold people in my heart through my service, to my schools (Holy Cross and BU) and to the constituents of the Foundation for Faces of Children. He holds me in my heart, by keeping me on the right path and serving these people. The only place I don’t feel this is in my 9-5 and it is just killing me. I walked around that campus and remembered the idealism I had while I was there. It was uplifting. As soon as I graduated though, I quickly realized I needed health insurance because I had years more dental and surgical work to do; we needed to continue to finish God’s work. Maybe that was where the resentment began. Maybe it was that and the technology that took me further away from a faith based community and my dreams. Today, I am only faced with realism, bills, healthcare and a mortgage. There is a nagging feeling that surrounds me, though. It is Holy Cross whispering in my ear saying, “You can find a way.” Work hard, love hard and you can find a way out. I need to find a job I am passionate about, working with people that are passionate about our common cause. I’m going to try and see if I can pull it off. I’m in the right frame of mind. Heck, it’s fun to have aspirations again.
**Some of this post I wrote in St. Joseph’s Chapel at the College of the Holy Cross. The rest I wrote from home.