It would be quite the understatement to say that I have been busy as of late. I am working my full-time job during the day and writing in the evenings for http://www.yawkeywayreport.com. Many nights I fall asleep at my computer while writing. In addition, there are non-profit responsibilities, exercise, tennis, and working on my physical home, and the one that lies within my mind and heart. It is difficult to attend to it all. Yet, I find it worthy work. I sleep late on weekends to recover. I find a way to make it work. Yet, I wonder what life would be like if I removed something from my schedule. Would I be okay with it? Would I be okay with a simpler existence? Some say that is the way to a happier life. I remember my Thoreau “Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity.”
In all things, I want to reach my fullest potential: to be perfect. That is a great goal to have, but one that is simply not attainable, especially if you have quite a few balls to juggle. Inevitably, I will drop one of the balls and feel terrible for my lack of ability to keep the show on the road. There are places I can ease up. This is what Buddhists would call the “Middle Way,” (I think, do not quote me on that.) We may call it balance, or a balanced life. Could I, “Miss Perfect,” do this? I think I need to take a shot at it.
There are other places in my life I am practicing this balance. Perfectionists see solutions to problems quickly, and react even faster. Many of the problems are not within my, or our, sphere of control. I discover each day that there are ways I can let go of situations I want to change. There are many of them on which to practice. I just cannot resist pulling the trigger to “fix” something. With my finger on the trigger I must pause, sit back, and determine whether it is worth throwing myself into the fray. Time may need to pass, events may need to play out, other people may need to make mistakes in order to open up opportunities to learn. Ultimately, one fine day all will be resolved in some fashion. Right? It is tough to convince myself of this notion in the moment. If I keep myself well enough and try different tips and tricks along the way; I may just have a fighting shot.
I hope to apply this to my busy schedule, too. I think some of those things on my to-do list are not hard and fast. There is a Middle Way in the choices I make daily, weekly and monthly in how my time is spent. So the grocery shopping does not happen on Saturday, so what? It is going to happen. So I do not get a 90 minute workout in every day. 30 minutes may just have to be good enough. So I do not write 3 posts a week for the other blog, an expectation I have set for myself. These are not make or break decisions, but it feels that way in my mind. We have to give ourselves a break, take a pause, locate center, and our balance will follow.
What we talk about when we talk about love. We talk about baseball
Photos from Spring Training
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times… I am not that into Dickens, but his words could not be more appropriate for the events of today in Boston and in the last month in my life. I have had my usual chronic health troubles amplified, and, well, put simply and vaguely, life’s difficulties. In the best of times category lies a writing gig for a very interesting outlet http://www.yawkeywayreport.com (and some scary, but not dangerous experiences to go with it), a great family trip with my most favorite people on Earth, filled with laughter and joy, and an email from a great professor from my past reminding me of my true identity. Big joys, small joys, big and minuscule times of sadness. These are the things of which life is made.
Today, April 15th, 2013, Patriots’ Day, an entire range of emotions that could be lived in one month, or two, played out before our eyes in just hours. The city I love, grew up in, is in a state of terror. The streets are part of a police state. Streets away from where I walked hand in hand with my mother, headed to the Swan Boats, or shopping at Copley Place, are marred by some fools’ errand. We saw the worst of times today, but we also saw the best of people today. Heroes that stepped in and helped marathon runners, marathon runners that had just completed 26.2 miles helping those in the crowd on the sidelines after two bombs that went off on Boylston Street.
Where do we go from here? Do we sing the song of the Civil Rights movement, “We shall Overcome?” Or shall we sing the songs of contemporaries of our great Patriots’ and Founding Fathers? Those songs of John Phillips Souza and Francis Scott Key. Shall we sing these songs as we come together and feel the emotions of the day, as we heal our wounds, and as we celebrate our infinite gratitude for our lives, and those people who help and serve without expectation of anything in return.
The world is a crazy place, but so isn’t each of our own worlds. All we can do is pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move forward into the bright, but uncertain, future.
Please #prayforboston. Pray for this country. Pray for a better day tomorrow.
Today is Opening Day for Major League Baseball action for the Boston Red Sox. Today they are in New York playing the Yankees. Please check out everything Red Sox at the other site I write for http://yawkeywayreport.com/
On opening day in Boston, MA grab a copy of the scorecard booklet, a monthly publication also called the Yawkey Way Report. We are the only booklet sold around Fenway Park that has a blog, website, and memorabilia component. You will love all the souvenirs we sell and do not forget the top-notch commentary and opinions on all things Red Sox in the Yawkey Way Report.
I’m looking forward to this season.
If you ever need to be humbled, take an advanced yoga class. I practice yoga, just not like this. This was yoga on steroids. These were people showing me what the human body can do without weights, a treadmill, or a tennis racquet. It was one of those experiences that was great, not while it was happening, but after (or at least towards the end of the session) when I realized “Wow, that was cool. I never thought I could get a good sweat with only me and a mat.” How did I come to this conclusion?
The class consisted of just 10 people, a couple, and a bunch of other women, and Super Woman on the mat beside me. I’m not a big fan of group exercise classes. The whole point of exercise for me is to work things out in my mind, listen to some music, and push my body hard, with great focus on endurance and strengthening my various muscle groups. Alone. I push myself hard, because I am hard on myself. In classes, I feel judged, by the instructor and other participants. The gym for me is a judge free environment, an adult playground where I can pick and choose what I choose to do on a given day. This group exercise deal, with what I perceived to be full of judgmental people and instructors, removes the fun of going to the gym. Now yoga classes, and their teachers are always telling you to not concern yourself with judgment, let you thoughts leave your mind, they are only distractions. A nice idea, but they do not know that my brain is not into that notion. And, (and I cannot stress this enough), this is exponentially difficult when the woman beside you does a headstand for one pose, after holding herself up by her hands with her body in the most contorted of contorted positions during another. On top of it all, the instructor did not demonstrate the poses. He kind of described them, so my visual self was forced to watch the Yoga Queen, on my right, do the pose.
I am a perfectionist, so this clearly was not going to work out unless I changed my perspective. Changing my perspective is something I have been doing all month long. I have also been collecting other exciting experiences that tickle my adventurous side in a constructive way, not in a destructive way, while experiencing this perspective thing. I was wigging out in the room, I came into a state of awareness. This forced me to change my perspective about me, my body, and everyone not looking to me to be perfect. I was humbled. I was aware. I tried to stop clenching my teeth and let go of my jaw and my thought appraisals, constantly trying to bring my attention back to my breathe. Consciously, only looking to Super Yoga Woman for guidance. That is all. She was now an instrument to help push me to the next level. I normally do this on my own in the gym, but in this situation I had to look to others for help. I hate asking or looking to others for help. Yet another thing I had to let go because if I did not, I was going to get dragged by the Yoga Gods, or twist an ankle.
It was not until after the class that I decided to come back and take another class. I love pushing myself physically, and in this case, mentally. I learned that yoga is not all about relaxation and meditation, but can also be a form of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone physically and mentally.
I discovered what it means to be humble. I discovered how to embrace, yet another, new perspective. Finally, I discovered the grit that is way down deep within me. I am proud that when the tough got going, I did not cry and run out the door. I tolerated till I could accept. Now, I can not wait for the next class.